


Lip Grows a Pair

by metaphoricheart



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: 5x12 did not end the way it did, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Apologies, Big Brothers, Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Ian, Brother Feels, Brothers, Brotp, Drinking & Talking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Family Drama, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, talking things out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2018-07-18 16:42:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7322917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/metaphoricheart/pseuds/metaphoricheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Warning: There is a brief mention of suicidal ideation but it's not graphic.<br/>Canon Divergent post 5x12. Ian and Mickey are still together but not focused on in the story.</p><p>Lip apologizes to Ian for not being their for him. They work stuff out and Lip tries to get Ian to see he's not Monica.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ian and Mickey are still together, but they're not really part of the story.   
> LIp is an asshole a lot so I kind of wanted to fix it.

Lip let the back door bang behind him as he entered the kitchen. The kitchen was in its normal general state of mess and then some. At the kitchen table, Ian was hunched over some books with earbuds in. Lip could only see the top of his red head. But as the door slammed and Lip walked into the room, Ian looked up. His face contorted into surprise and then smiled.

He pulled his earbuds out. “Hey! What are you doing here?” 

Lip smiled back and shuffled over to the counter, leaning on a surface that wasn’t covered in what looked like box pancake mix. “I needed to run a few errands, thought I’d come by and see if anyone was around.”

Ian raised his eyebrows at his brother. Lip had to know that everyone else was at school or work, so either he had come to talk to Ian specifically, or was there to snoop around to make sure everything was okay. “Everyone is at school or work.”

Lip cleared his throat and turned around to grab a beer from the fridge. “Uh, yeah I know.” He took another beer out of the fridge and held it up but Ian shook his head no. Lip put the extra beer back and sat across from Ian at the kitchen table. He drummed his fingers before folding his hands on the table top.

Rolling his eyes, Ian went back to his book. Sometimes the best way to get Lip to just spit it out was to sit there in silence until he was forced to take the lead with the conversation, or be stuck sitting there awkwardly.

Lip stared at his hands. “Um, I, uh….actually I came here hoping to run into you.”

Ian looked up from the book. “Oh yeah? Why’s that?” 

“I want to talk to you about something.”

Ian looked down at the table and picked up a pencil, fidgeting with it. He counted to ten and ran through his options of how to respond like his therapist had been teaching to him to. He sighed and looked up.

“Something to come piss me off? Or a different kind of something?” Ian stared at Lip, bracing himself for a lecture about making sure he took his meds (which he was, thank you very much).

Lip met his eyes and then looked away. “I’m not here to intentionally piss you off,” Lip said and looked up. “I’m here to say I’m sorry.”

Ian’s breath caught in his throat and the air was thick with tension. He held himself up stiffly and gripped the pencil. “Sorry for what?” 

After taking a long drag from his beer bottle, Lip sighed. “Everything.”

Ian snorted. “Are you apologizing to me for earthquakes and poverty…because that’s not something you should be saying sorry to me about. Be more specific.”

Chuckling lowly, Lip nodded. “Yeah, no…I mean for everything that happened in like the last six months…how I handled it…how I wasn’t really there…” 

“You were here,” Ian stated, voice void of expression.

“I guess,” Lip shrugged. “But not for you, not to support you.”

There was silence. Lip watched his younger brother for any sort of reaction but all he got was the top of his brother’s redhead again. He went to speak again but Ian slammed his book shut, rattling the table.

“Don’t,” he said coolly before grabbing his jacket and going out the back door. Lip was afraid that Ian was going to walk off somewhere but he listened to his brother walk down a few steps, and then stop. There was a soft creak as Ian sat down on a step.

Lip got up from the table and interlocked his fingers, putting them behind his head. His eyes fell on the book Ian had slammed shut: “EMT Test Information and Practice Manuel”. A soft smile fell across Lip’s mouth. Fiona had told him what Ian was up to these days but it was a little too good to be true, especially after the last six months. But he had walked in on Ian studying the book. He opened it. Ian had tabbed certain pages, highlighted passages, written notes in the margins. It looked like he had worked through about half of the book. Lip let the book fall shut and saw on the table next to Ian’s old iPod a stack of index cards with definitions and acronyms. Lip nearly started to cry before he shook himself. It had just been so long since he had seen this Ian. His little brother who was determined, focused, and fearless on his goals. His little brother who was kind and wanted to do things for others. 

Lip gulped, as he realized even more than Ian was not Monica. Monica was never any of those things. Ian had always had those qualities since he was a two year old, determined to outrun Lip and Fiona at the playground. But Fiona had tripped over her loose shoe lace, and had skinned her hands and knees. Lip had kept going. He could beat Fiona this time. It’s not his fault she fell. 

But Ian had waddled his two year old self back to his seven year old sister. Fiona had pushed herself back to standing, and Ian had his little arms around her hips, hugging her as high as he could reach. She had looked down and said she was okay, that Ian could go play. But Ian had crossed his arms and glared, declaring “No, FiFi needs band aid for boo boo.” 

She had tried again to tell him she was fine but he had started to cry and stamp his feet, “I won’t play unless FiFi gets band aid”. They’d gone home, and Ian had watched with hawk eyes as his sister cleaned her cuts and put band aids on them. 

“See Ian? I’m okay.” 

Ian had nodded. Lip had wanted to go back to play again but while Fiona had made lunch, Ian had fallen asleep on the couch. He was worn out from earlier.

His illness hadn’t taken any of that away, it had just made it hard to access. His brother’s diagnosis didn’t suddenly strip everything about Ian away until he was nothing left but symptoms. Lip’s resolve hardened again, and went outside to talk to his brother.

When he sat down on the step next to Ian, Ian didn’t turn to look at him. He continued to stare at the blue autumn sky, but he did hold out his cigarette for Lip to take. Lip took it.

“You’re not Monica,” Lip said.

Next to him, Ian snorted and shook his head. Lip frowned.

“No really man, you’re fucking not. The way I’ve been treating you is wrong and I’m—“

Lip was interrupted by Ian’s hand on his shoulder and Ian’s soft, tired voice.

“No, it’s okay. Really Lip, I get it. After all the shit Monica put you through, after all the years you tried to help her, you didn’t want to have to do it all over again. You couldn’t deal with it because of that. And it’s okay. It’s not your fault. I’m not mad.” 

Lip was stunned into silence for a few moments until Lip pulled away from his brother so Ian’s hand fell. He shouted, “What the fuck, Ian?”

Ian looked at him confused. “Um, did I say the wrong thing? Do you want me to be mad at you?”

“YES” Lip launched himself off the step and started pacing on the sidewalk. “YES YOU SHOULD BE FUCKING MAD AT ME!” The cigarette was dropped on the sidewalk, and stomped on.

Ian shrugged. “Well, I’m not.” He watched his brother pace on the sidewalk running his hands through his hair. “Why do you think I should be mad at you?”

“You hit the nail on the head with what you just said, but that’s an explanation not an excuse. But I felt so fucking guilty man. You’d send me texts but I never answered them. You stopped sending them. Part of me didn’t answer because I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t have anything that seemed like it would help. So, it was easier to just push it away and not deal with, not get hurt again.” 

An image of his phone screen with a text from Ian five months ago flashed through his mind: “Idk what to do anymore. I don’t think I’m ever going to be ok”. 

Ian shrugged. “I don’t know what I would have said either if you had texted me that shit….but I just…kinda…wanted someone to listen and just know, so it wouldn’t be so lonely? Like I could tell Mickey but he hasn’t known me my whole life.”

Lip nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind for the future.” 

Ian stared at him. They held eye contact for a moment before Lip walked back over and sat next to Ian so their shoulders and knees were touching. 

“You’re not Monica. I didn’t try to understand or help or look at you as you. I know you were hurt by me not being there, don’t lie. You’re scared of being Monica and that is exactly what makes you not Monica. You give a shit and we weren’t helping you feel any better about yourself or in general. That book on the kitchen table? That is solid proof you are not Monica. Monica was never determined, fearless, or kind unless it was for her own gain. You’re the kindest person I know, being bipolar doesn’t change that. Your outbursts and manic episodes don’t change that. You’re Ian, and you’re a pain in the ass but the good kind. Not the Monica kind.”

Ian had listened to his brother with wide eyes and didn’t notice there were tears falling down his face until Lip had stopped speaking. Lip was breathing heavily next to him, catching his breath from his passionate monologue. His eyes were also wet.

“You mean it?”

“Every word.” Lip didn’t think he had ever made sure to enunciate something so clearly and firmly in his life.

Ian nodded and twisted his fingers in his lap. “It still hurt…. Especially with Fiona, but….she’s trying now. She didn’t know what to do anymore than you did. But it hurt. The two people I had leaned on my whole life, kept comparing me to someone who ruined ours. I never wanted to ruin yours. I thought about running away again or jumping off a building so my bullshit wouldn’t be in the way anymore,” Ian finished in a hushed voice, choked with tears.

Lip went numb. Stone cold numb. Like that witch in that children’s book Fiona used to read to them a long time ago. When she touched you with her wand, you turned to stone. Jumping off a building jumping off a building jumping off a building ran through his head on repeat.

He realized he must have been quiet and unmoving for too long because his brother was pushing the heels of his hands into his eyes and muttering “sorry” over and over again.

Lip snapped his eyes to his brother and forced his hand to move to the nape of Ian’s neck, and squeeze. “Ian…I….fuck…. just stop saying you’re fucking sorry, Jesus.”

Ian’s mouth snapped shut and he closed his eyes. Shit. 

Lip cleared his throat a few times, but it didn’t help his voice sound any less choked. “Don’t you ever fucking do something like that. That is the last thing to help anyone, you understand?”

Ian had opened his eyes but had remained silent. Lip let go of Ian’s neck and moved so he was kneeling on the stair below them, in front of Ian.

“Ian. Do you understand?” He stared at Ian hard. 

Ian nodded.

“Ian!” Lip yelled desperately, and placed his hand on Ian’s shoulder shaking him a little bit. “Look at me!”

Ian looked at Lip’s eyes which were wide and terrified.

“Do you understand me?” Lip spoke slowly and lowly.

“Yes,” Ian whispered, maintaining eye contact with his brother.

Lip let out a shake breath and patted his brother’s shoulders a few times, muttering “good, good”, before looking down at his bent knees. With his hand still on Ian’s shoulder, Ian watched Lip’s back start to tremble and felt Lip’s hand dig into his shoulder.

Slowly, Ian reached out and placed his hand on Lip’s closest shoulder, squeezing it. Tears fell silently down his cheeks. Neither knew how long they were like that, but eventually all that was left was sniffling passed between the space between them. Lip stood up and cleared his throat, He put his hands behind his heads and sighed at the sky. He heard Ian light another cigarette behind him and take a few drags. Lip turned around to see Ian’s hand extended with the cigarette. Lip smiled faintly, and took it. He sat down next to Ian so their shoulders and knees were more than touching, but practically melding to each other. They smoked in silence for a few minutes.

“If you meant everything you just said,” Ian said hesitantly. 

“I sure fucking did,” Lip interjected. 

Ian cleared his throat and fidgeted with his fingers. “Uh, right. Well, um, I don’t know what you have to do tomorrow but I have a therapy appointment in the afternoon. Um, Olivia, that’s my therapist, keeps saying I should bring you in. She said she can help me explain stuff so you can understand…and all that….Fiona came like a month ago. Will you go?”

“Oh,” Lip said dumbly. He focused on the cigarette, too anxious to pass it back to Ian. He was kind of shocked. Gallaghers don’t do therapy and he sure as fuck wasn’t interested in talking to some stranger with his little brother. 

Lip didn’t know how to answer that question or even begin to process it. What came out of his mouth was, “Fiona actually convinced me to talk to you. She’s been texting me for the last two weeks every time she knows you’re at home by yourself. I just never grew the balls until now.”

Ian nodded, unsure of how to proceed. Was Lip ignoring his question? Did he not want to? His thoughts were interrupted by steps approaching and Fiona’s voice. She was standing on the sidewalk looking up at the pair of her brothers sitting so close together.

“Hey guys,” she said brightly trying to keep the confused tone from her voice. 

“Hey,” Ian replied hoarsely. 

Fiona took in her brothers’ red eyes and noses. Ian glanced at Lip and noticed that he and Fiona were having some sort of silent conversation between the two of them. They probably wanted to talk alone. 

He stood up, “I’m gonna go clear the kitchen to start dinner.”

Ian had the door open and one foot on the step up when Lip called out. “Ian!”

Ian looked at his brother waiting for him to say something else but Lip seemed to be tripping over his words. “I….I’ll go. Tomorrow. With you. I um, I’ll go.”

Ian smiled and nodded, and went into the house.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lip goes with Ian to his therapy session. It's thankfully productive, and surprising propositions are made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ended up being really long, and I don't think it's as well written as the first chapter. It seems kind of out of character to me, but whatever. I'm still new to this fandom and these characters.

“Hey, you ready?” Lip said coming down the stairs. He had stayed the night so it would be easier to go with Ian to therapy.

“Yep.” Ian said with forced brightness. He opened the door and waited for Lip to step through it before shutting it behind them.

They started their walk to the L silently, Ian dragging his feet.

“Don’t bite my head off, but you’re walking like an 80 year old. You ok?” 

Ian laughed and shoved his pocket. “Yeah, thanks.” 

When they paid their fair, Ian dropped into a seat, leaned his head back on the window, and shut his eyes. Lip looked his brother over. He was pale, with huge dark circles under his eyes. He looked exhausted which could explain the old man act. 

“I can feel you staring at me,” Ian smirked.

“Sorry, sorry,” Lip laughed putting his hands up and then bringing them back down onto his thighs. He rubbed his hands up and down them, and looked around at the other passengers but not really seeing them.

“I have trouble sleeping sometimes. Well, a lot.” Ian finally explained. 

Lip folded his hands together and leaned over his thighs, looking down. “Can I ask why?” 

Ian shrugged. “Psychiatrist thinks it’s the meds. I don’t want to change them. They work and I still experience emotions and shit. Probably also worrying, you know? But I don’t really know why.”

“Were you up worrying last night about today?” Lip asked softly.

Ian glanced at Lip. He didn’t want Lip to worry or feel bad, but if he wanted their relationship to improve he had to be honest. “Yeah.”

Lip leaned back in the seat and crossed his arms, cocking his eyebrow with a small smile. “Honestly? Me too.”

\--

They were sitting in the waiting room which honestly wasn’t that full, and to Lip’s surprise all the people waiting looked pretty normal. Part of him knew that of course there were normal looking people who needed therapy, but in his head all he saw were people like Monica when he thought about these things. He sighed. He needed to work on not putting Ian and everyone else in that category. 

“Ian?”. A woman was standing at the door that other patients had gone behind. Lip looked her up and down quickly. She had brown hair that was pulled back into a low ponytail, and she wore tan kakis, brown loafers, and a pink turtleneck. Lip thought she kind of looked like a teacher, but then again what was a therapist supposed to look like? 

Ian touched Lip’s elbow, and got up. Lip trailed behind his brother as they approached the woman. She looked questioningly at Ian. 

“This is my brother,” Ian tilted his head toward Lip. “Sorry, for the no warning. It just kind of happened.” 

The therapist smiled. “It’s alright, come on,” she waved them through the door. Ian automatically turned right and went to a door at the end of the hall on the left. Lip followed and resisted the urge to see if the therapist was following him. He thought it was kind of odd that Ian just walked in there and didn’t wait for any lead. 

The therapist’s room was a lot softer than the psychiatrists’ offices he’d been in when Ian was hospitalized. The wall was an off white and the lights weren’t harsh. Ian had sat himself down on the edge of a brown leather couch, at the end closest to an armchair. There was another armchair on the other side of the couch. Lip looked around awkwardly unsure where to sit. 

“You can sit anywhere,” Ian said. 

“Oookay,” Lip said and shuffled over to the couch. He plopped himself down in the middle and rubbed his hands over his thighs nervously. 

The therapist sat down in the armchair near Ian. “Before we start, Ian, I need you to speak with you alone for a few minutes after the session.” 

Ian nodded but looked nervous. His therapist reassured him, “It’s not anything bad or new. Just want to talk about what we talked about with Dr. Harris last week. Is that okay?” 

“Sure,” Ian said. 

Lip kept himself from butting into the conversation with “and who is Dr. Harris?” but he had thought about it last night. His typical attitude towards strangers interacting with his family wouldn’t help the situation probably. 

“Great,” the therapist nodded and turned to Lip with a smile. “Well, Ian didn’t tell me you were coming today but I am happy you did. I’m Olivia.”

“Uh, I’m Lip. Short for Phillip.” He swallowed. His mouth felt dry, this was so fucking awkward. “You, you’re not a doctor?”

Olivia laughed. “No, I’m just a therapist. You get to call us by our names, creates a sense of equality.” 

“Huh,” Lip nodded before looking down at the floor waiting for Ian or Olivia to move forward. He didn’t know what to make of this equality concept, and he honestly didn’t have time to contemplate it here.

“Can you guys tell me about what prompted this session?” 

Lip looked over at Ian for what to do. Was he supposed to explain? Was Ian? She had asked both of them…

“Lip came by yesterday while I was home alone. I was studying.” He sighed and let out a breath, and broke eye contact with Olivia to look at the floor. “He came to apologize to me.” 

Ian stopped talking. Lip focused back on his brother trying to send “what do I do?” signals but Ian was still looking at the floor.

“Were you surprised by that, Ian?”

Ian looked up, and glanced at Lip nervously. He didn’t want Lip to get the wrong idea.

Olivia watched the interaction between the brothers. “It works best if you’re as honest as possible. You don’t have to say anything you don’t want to though. Do you think you two can do that?”

Lip answered immediately, smiling at his brother, trying to be reassuring. “Sure. You can tell her whatever. I promise to not lose my shit.”

Ian smirked at him with his eyebrows raised Lip sighed. “Okay fine. Attempt to not lose my shit.” Ian rolled his eyes in response. 

Olivia again watched the brothers, and took note of this interaction. They seemed to know each other well, or at least how each other would react to the other. There was a difference. Olivia listened as Ian explained what happened the day before, watching Lip’s expressions carefully to see if he agreed. He seemed to be agreeing with what Ian was telling her until Ian stopped. 

Olivia took this to mean that Ian was done with the explanation and opened her mouth to speak but Lip spoke with a low voice that strained with forced calm. “You left out the most important fucking part. The part about you wanting to kill yourself sometimes. Fucking hell, Ian?” 

Ian stared at his hands. “Sorry, he muttered. He glanced up at Olivia silently communicating that why he left it out was not something he wanted to talk about with them right now. She nodded.

“You were really upset by learning this, Lip. For you, it’s the most important thing he said to you yesterday. Can you explain to Ian why?”

“Ian’s my kid brother and-“

“Hey!” Ian interrupted. “Carl is your kid brother. You’re barely two years older. Asshole.”

Lip rolled his eyes. “Whatever dickhead.” It took him a minute to get back into his thoughts with what he wanted to say. 

“Ian is my younger brother and almost twin at the same time. We looked out for each other when were kids, sometimes we were all each other had. We bounced in foster homes and get separated from Fiona. Or Fiona was trying to find food. So there was just us. We got older, started to have secrets but he was always there for me. Somewhere along the way I stopped being there for him the way I used to be. Pushed weed and alcohol on him, told him to find someone new to fuck. I didn’t really have any other advice, but I knew that wasn’t what he needed and I didn’t bother asking. But…if he died…” 

To Lip’s dismay a few tears were rolling down his cheeks. He had told himself he would keep it together and but try the whole bare your soul shit while they were on the train over. For Ian. But this was too much. 

“Shit,” he whispered and quickly wiped them up before looking at Olivia.

“Uh, you know, what I mean?” He couldn’t keep going.

“Yeah,” she said softly. “I think I got the important part.”

Lip went back to talking and was moving his hands agitatedly, “I’m scared that if he is ever going to hurt himself, he won’t call me or anything. Because he’s afraid I won’t show up or will just give him shit. I don’t want that.”

Olivia nodded, but this was something Ian needed. to reply to. “Ian?”

“You’re on my safety plan,” Ian offered. “Not at the top of the list of people to call though. Part of it is that I don’t want to burden you and yeah, I’m afraid of your reaction. But the major part of it is that the people are listed in order of who can be there for me the quickest. So that’d be Mickey.”

Ian looked at his brother, searching his face for a reaction but Lip’s face remained blank. He had schooled his expression while Ian was talking. The guilt was corkscrewing through his stomach but he had to stay focused.

“I’ll be there, if you need me,” he said fiercely and his expression changed to match. He held eye contact with Ian.

“I believe you,” Ian said quietly while maintaining his gaze. 

Lip left out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding and realized that he had no idea what exactly a safety plan was. “What the hell is a safety plan, exactly?” 

“It’s a plan Olivia and I made for if I ever want to hurt myself, kill myself... Or if I’m going to put someone else in danger if I’m manic. It has people to call, and what they should do after asking me certain questions. It has Olivia’s phone number on it and Dr. Harris’s. There’s the hospital I’d prefer to go to, and the medications I’m on. Coping skills I should use. It’s like a ‘if Ian has a crisis road map’”.

Lip took a minute to let this sink in. “Can….can I have a copy of this?” 

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.”

Lip let out a surprised and relieved sigh. He was still nervous that Ian wouldn’t want him around if something was that bad. Ian would have the right to want that but, still.

They fell into silence. Olivia waited a few more moments to see if she really needed to prompt them or if they would do it themselves.

“I need you to stop pushing me and telling me what do without bothering to know what the fuck is going on. You always just assume shit. Like we all get you’re a genius Lip. But you don’t know fucking everything, especially things about people.” Ian had started calmly but realized he had moved into a harsher tone of voice. “Sorry, I’m just frustrated.”

Lip nodded. “It’s okay.”

Taking a few seconds, Lip drummed his fingers on his leg and gathered his thoughts. Ian waited. Lip was always easy to read.

“I’m always fucking scared, man. You ran away, came back sick. Fiona left drugs out, Liam almost died. She went to jail. Then she ran off and had her own mental breakdown. I had to keep Debbie and Carl moving and fed. I had to take care of Liam and watch him like a hawk. I had school to stay on top of, and barely made it. I don’t want that all to happen again but we’re Gallaghers. The next shoe always drops but it’d be nice if all six of them didn’t drop at the same time again.”

“From what I’m hearing, Lip, it sounds like you’re afraid that if you aren’t in the know, and able to take control of the situation, you’re afraid that something bad will happen and it’ll be your fault?” 

“Yeah. If I’m not in everyone’s face pushing, I won’t know anything. So much shit has happened in the last two years that…I just…can’t,” 

“It sounds like you don’t trust me,” Ian interrupted quietly.

Olivia and Lip went silent. Realizing that Ian had been talking to him, he looked up at Olivia and then turned back to Ian. “I don’t think it’s that…as much as it that I’m afraid for you. And keeping that fear in check is what matters more. I mean, I think we’re both having trouble with trust between each other, right? We just talked about it with the safety plan thing.” 

Ian nodded. “Yeah.” 

Olivia leaned forward in the chair and spoke to the brothers. “Building trust back will take time. But it seems like Ian, you need to work on explaining what you need and being more open with Lip. And Lip, you need to work on not letting your fear control you. Ian needs you to respect him as his own person who can take care of himself with help. I’ve been with Ian for the last year, and he’s also demonstrated countless times that he also knows there are times when he can’t take care of himself, and what to do. But that isn’t Ian all the time, or even most of the time.”

Lip started bouncing his leg while he listened to the therapist. He had things he wanted to say but he hadn’t really been steering the conversation and it wasn’t about him. 

“Jesus, Lip stop with the earthquake. What do you want to say?” 

“I don’t….I know that you’re not Monica. But I don’t know anything about bipolar disorder outside of Monica. So I don’t want to treat you like Monica or compare you to her, but I don’t know anything else.” 

Ian looked at Olivia, and she nodded. She knew what he was thinking. She got up and went to her file drawer, looking for some papers while Ian talked. 

“Um, when Fiona came, I um, we worked on a worksheet when we got home. Of stuff that I wanted and needed her to do and try to understand. Then we did the same for her. She’s also been reading up online and stuff about bipolar. Olivia gave her a pamphlet to start her off….Can we…do that too?”

“’Course, Ian.”

Olivia came over and handed some papers to Lip. He glanced at them, and they looked like what Ian had been talking about. The top one was labeled “Safety plan” in big bold letters. She clapped her hands on her thighs lightly. “Well time’s up guys. I think today was pretty productive, do you guys agree?”

Ian and Lip looked at each other, before nodding.

“Great!” She said brightly. “Ian, we still need to talk but I want to run something by your brother here.”

Ian furrowed his brow at her. “Okay….”

She turned her focus to Lip. “Lip, like you said, a lot of shit has happened to you recently. You don’t seem to have found time to process it yet. And there’s a lot to process. Sometimes when people have a lot of stuff to process, they go to therapy, so they can do it in a way that will keep you safe.”

“….You think….” Lip swallowed, “that I need therapy?”

“I don’t think you need anything. I’m just saying it might be something to think about. I gave you some recommendations with the other stuff I handed you.”

Lip looked down at the papers, trying to wrap his head around everything. “I, I can’t afford therapy.”

“You’re still in school right?”

Lip nodded. “Most colleges have a wellness center, and offer counseling for free. You can check to see if your school has that.”

“Okay…” Lip said, lost in his own thoughts as he was guided to the door.

“Wait!” Ian said as the door opened. “I, I…it’s okay if he’s here. You said it wasn’t anything super deep, right?” 

Olivia nodded. Lip shut the door. It felt really loud and felt it’s vibrations as he went to sit back on the couch.

“You look exhausted, Ian. Did you sleep last night?”

Ian shook his head. “Not really.”

His therapist sighed. “Have you given any thought to trying the sleeping pill we talked about with Dr. Harris?” 

Ian looked conflicted and sighed, rubbing his eyes. “I’m really tired, Olivia,” he said quietly.

“I know you are,” Olivia responded kindly. “And I think you need to give this a shot because you know not sleeping well is a trigger for an episode, and because it just makes life hard to enjoy when you’re tired all the time.”

“Yeah. Mickey and I haven’t really had sex recently. I’m too tired.” 

Lip coughed on his own gasp. Ian talking about sex with his therapist with him in the room was just too odd. Ian turned red. 

“Sorry, dude,” Lip muttered. “This just feels weirder than when I walk in on you two.” 

Ian laughed. “Understandable,” he said before his face fell back into a tired expression. To Lip, it looked resigned.

“I’ll try it,” Ian stated.

Olivia smiled. “I’m glad. I’ll let Dr. Harris know your decision, and have her call you to work out an appointment within the next week. Before our next session.” 

“Okay, thanks.” Ian stood up and Lip followed. Ian was standing in the doorway while Lip held the door open behind him. 

“I mean it Ian, before next Thursday.” 

“Alright, alright. I got it, Olivia.” He sounded annoyed but they were sharing a knowing smile that Lip didn’t really understand.

As the door shut, Olivia smiled to herself. She could see this going in a good direction, and being really good for Ian. It’d be great for Ian to start looking to his family more for his support, and to have a relationship with his brother again.

\--

They were back on the L ten minutes later. “What did you think?” Ian asked nervously.

“It was alright. It was good. We can work on this shit,” Lip held up the papers, “whenever you’re up for it.”

Ian nodded before hesitantly knocking shoulders with Lip. “Are you going to think about what she said?”

Lip huffed and crossed his arms. Fuck Olivia for thinking he needed therapy. Fuck her for maybe being right. “Yeah, I’ll think about it,” Lip said shortly. Ian got the message, and dropped the subject.

He leaned his head back onto the window, and closed his eyes. They had been sitting in silence for a few minutes. Ian was reaching into his backpack for his ipod when Lip said quietly but clearly, “I’m proud of you.”

Ian froze and looked at Lip incredulously. Lip looked uncomfortable at how intensely Ian was staring at him. He rubbed the back of his neck. They didn’t really say these things to each other. That was Fiona’s job.

“You’re getting your shit together. For the first time since the army, you have something to do. Something that you find meaningful. You’re determined to become an EMT. It seems like you’re managing your bipolar and Mickey is helping you do it.” Lip cleared his throat and shrugged. “I’m just proud of you…alright?”

Ian beamed. He put his hand on Lip’s knee and said a sincere thanks. Ian went back to unraveling his headphones. While he was working out the last knot, he said, “Look dude, I’m glad you’re talking to me and we talked about all of this shit. But I’m kind of nearing the end of my capacity for this much heart to heart healing bullshit for the day. So can we pick this up another time and just chill?”

Lip laughed. He had definitely fulfilled his capacity for this bullshit for the day. “Yes, let’s please just fucking chill.”

Lip pulled out his phone and was scrolling through his notifications. “I don’t know how you do that every week, that’s some rough shit, man.”

“I don’t really know either.”

Ian listened to music and texted the rest of the ride back. While walking back Ian kicked a few rocks, and crunched on a few fallen leaves. “So…Mickey and I are gonna watch a movie tonight. Probably something that’s supposed to be scary. Probably eat pizza. You wanna join?”

Lip stopped and stared in shock at his brother. He scoffed. “Are you fucking serious? Mickey and I aren’t each other’s biggest fans, in case you haven’t noticed.”

Ian laughed. “Oh, I’ve fucking noticed.” He shrugged. “But I talked to him about yesterday and stuff. Maybe we can…work on changing that? I know you two don’t actually hate each other.” 

Lip was still staring at Ian, lost for words. Ian started to backtrack. “You don’t have to come, uh, it’s just an offer,” he said quickly. “Or you can come and leave if you don’t like it.” 

Lip started walking again, and Ian joined him with his hands nervously shoved in his pockets. When they got to the gate of their house, Lip had made a decision. “I’ll go.” 

Ian smiled at him, and got bigger as he realized what this meant. “Cool!” 

He started towards the house shouting to Lip, “I’m gonna go get my stuff to go back to Mickey. I stay here for a few days during the week sometimes. Ian was halfway up the steps and Lip was just about to shut the door when Ian called “Come by around 8! See you later!”

Lip shook his head, smiling slightly and shut the door. He had schoolwork to do, but his brother was more important right now. The work would get done later. It always did. 

\--

Lip coming over to watch the movie with them wasn’t that bad. Ian mostly mediated the conversation between the three of them so it remained light and nonconfrontational. Slumped against Mickey, Ian had fallen asleep halfway through the movie. He had been out for hours, so he didn’t really know the details of what happened after he fell asleep. Mickey said they just finished the movie and Lip left.

Ian hadn’t mentioned what Olivia said since the session. He didn’t want to push Lip, and it really wasn’t his business. It was Lip’s personal decision. Ian tossed his phone between his hands. He was considering bringing it up though and being okay with Lip telling him to fuck off though, when his phone buzzed as it landed in his right hand. It was a text from Lip.

“I’m gonna go tomorrow. But I’m a chickenshit so…I was wondering if you’d come with me…. “

Ian smiled. There was no preamble, just “I’m gonna go”. Lip knew Ian would know what he was talking about, and it kind of felt like the way they used to talk before. When they were on the same wave length and everything wasn’t so hard. His phone buzzed again.

“You don’t have to or anything it’s up to you. Especially if you have work or something.”

Ian typed back. “Chill. I’ll go with you.”

The next day they sat in the school’s counseling office. Lip had to fill out a ton of forms which took a while so Ian had spent some time studying, and helped Lip with the forms when he was confused. It had been fifteen minutes since Lip had handed the clipboard to the receptionist, and they were both getting antsy. They had been sitting in this room for nearly forty-five minutes, and two of them were never ones for sitting still for long. 

“Phillip Gallagher,” a man with a round face and red noise boomed.

They stood up. Lip looked back at his brother and Ian nodded his head reassuringly, putting his hand on his back and pushing his older brother forward. He let Lip walk a few steps before following behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm thinking about adding another chapter where they go to therapy and what not. I have notes for it but I don't know if anyone would want to read it but look out for it! Thanks for reading.


End file.
